How To Prepare For Second Puberty *の日本語和訳


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As you approach the monumental age of 30,
the awkward transitional period of your
life becomes nothing more than a distant
memory.

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Until now. Welcome to second puberty.
The stage of life when you actually become
an adult.
You're going to begin to notice some
changes.
Like hair where there wasn't here before.

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In your nostril, on your back,
and in your ears.
Pretty much everywhere except your head,
the one place where it matters.
You'll see your body blossoming into
womanhood.

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Womanhood being the doughier,
wrinklier version of girlhood.
Cellulite, stretch marks, smile lines.
That's right, smile lines.

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You are being punished for joy.
The day-to-day stress of your adult life
will lead you to seek out comfort foods.
Unfortunately, your new adult stomach
can no longer handle delicious food,

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so you can either deal with
the overwhelming cravings or diarrhea.
So much diarrhea.
That brings us to exercise.
Not being fat is a ton of work now.

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But with a strict regimen and a healthy
diet, you might be able to transform
that very chubby body into a sort of
chubby body.
And all it costs is your social life.

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As a man, you might start to notice
you don't crave sex the way you did
when you were a teenager.
This is referred to as
the "dicks are assholes" phenomenon.

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You see, men reach their sexual peaks
before women when their chances of
getting laid are the lowest.
Then, their dicks slowly break over
time.

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Human sexuality is essentially one big,
missed high five, but that's nothing
compared to fertility, which dictates
that a 15-year-old girl making a mistake
on prom night is a better chance of getting
pregnant than a 40-year-old woman actively
trying to conceive with their husband.

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In fact, fertility starts to fall off
year by year after 30.
So start thinking about that stuff now
ladies.
But why bother worrying at all?

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You have no idea what you're doing,
and anyone who's ever giving you advice
is a fallible human, who could be wrong
about everything.
Better you just drink to forget.
Oh-ho!
But hangovers are way worse now.

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So, did I mention you can rent a car?
uh... that's pretty cool.

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Hey guys, it's Murph from college humor.
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